Scars on the veins that bind us
by Darkhours
Summary: When she saw the caller ID she nearly crashed into another car. Your child's school doesn't call you in the middle of the day unless something happened. When tragedy strikes old wounds are revealed and a family once so loving, falls apart. AU May be triggering.
1. Chapter 1

Based on a true story but I hope you guys like it anyway.

* * *

_**Scars on the veins that bind us** _

She got the call nine hours ago, but still the pain is just as bad as it was earlier, if not worse. She was driving in her car, on her way back to the office when her cell chimed an unfamiliar tone in the passenger seat. She ignored it at first, said to herself if it was important enough they'd call again or leave a message. They called again and Kate reached over to see who was calling. When she saw the caller ID she nearly crashed into another car.

Your child's school doesn't call you in the middle of the day unless something happened.

* * *

_ Immediately she pulled over, her heart beginning to pound, and she called the school back, the lady at the front desk directed her to the counseling office so they could notify her of the situation._

_ "Your daughter, she's - she's been taken to the hospital," she said._

_ "What? What happened?" Her grip on the phone tightened as she waited for an answer and Kate set her free hand on the wheel to psychologically steady herself._

_ "A student caught her in the bathroom, cutt- hurting herself. We got officers involved- she fought them, but eventually we got her to calm down when we said that you were on your way."_

_ Kate couldn't speak. She didn't know what to say, there are no words for this. She was always worried about Liv starting high school because it seems that's when all things start going wrong. She took a shallow breathe. "You lied to her?" She asked bitterly._

_ "You hadn't answered any of our calls to your office yet so we contacted her emergency contact. James Beckett? He told us to try your cell."_

_ "Yeah?"_

_ "He's with her now in the hospital."_

_ "Which one?"_

_ "Mount Sinai. Good luck Ms. Beckett."_

_ She didn't even hang up the phone, she just tossed it to the opposite side of the car before the tears began streaming down her cheeks._

* * *

That was nine hours ago.

Now she's sitting here in this cramped hospital room with her daughters head in her lap, while she sleeps soundly with three police officers standing outside her door watching to make sure her daughter doesn't wake up and stab herself.

And the deafening silence of the hospital is driving her crazy. The stark white the walls, the steady beep of machines, all are slowly squeezing her brain until it's mush.

When she got here her daughters face was red and wet with tears and she was so scared of seeing Kate that she tugged her face into her grandfathers neck and sobbed. But Kate wasn't angry at her daughter, just upset and confused, that Olivia thought she couldn't come to her with whatever it was she was struggling with.

"Olivia sweetheart please talk to me. I'm here and I'm not mad at you. I promise."

"Really," she had asked, unsure.

"Yes."

A beat of silence.

More like a lifetime of heartache, wondering whether or not your child trusts you.

"Mommy!" She hugged her then, tears flooding and running in her eyes, down her overly red cheeks. And Kate never let go. She held her daughter tight.

They've had several nurses and doctors come in telling them the wait would be long. That during this time of the year cases like Olivia's go up exponentially and they only have but a few psychiatric evaluators available at the hospital. Something to do with the winter whether, one of the nurses said.

"Hi I'm nurse Diane. I'm here to talk to you and daughter about the situation and to tell you how things are going to go from here," she began. "First off can I start by saying that this is a long painstaking process and because we're short staffed or rather overflowing with patients it's safe to say that it'll be a while before she's seen." Nurse Diane has long brown hair and a pleasing face but her voice is annoyingly loud in this tiny room when it's only three of them in here.

"Well can we get a bigger room then?" Breathing the same air repeatedly makes her nauseous.

"We _are_ working on that."

"There's three of us crammed into this tiny little room with absolutely nothing to do. You can't expect us not to get a little antsy," Jim said from the little wooden chair in the corner.

"I know sir but we're over crowded. Right now Olivia is number fifteen on a list of sixteen. I can tell you that your most likely to be here overnight."

Kate furrowed her brow and placed her head in her hands trying not to look too annoyed.

* * *

Another hour or so passed after Diane left after waking Olivia and asking her questions she no doubt will be asked over and over.

"Are you hungry Liv?" They gave her a small dinner sometime around a quarter to seven but come on, it's hospital food. There's only but so much you can expect.

"Just a little. Maybe a snack?"

"Of course," Kate said kissing her daughter on top of her head. "Hungry dad?"

"Not really. Maybe just a coffee?" Kate left the hospital room, walked past the cops standing guard, and turned down the corridor until she saw another guard standing by an exit door.

"Excuse me? Do you know where I can get a cup of coffee?"

"Yeah actually I'm on my way there now. So if you wanna follow me?" He said gesturing for her to walk beside him. "Will you be okay with finding your way back? Hospitals can be confusing sometimes."

"I think I will be."

Kate followed closely behind the officer guiding her through the corridors of the hospital to the cafe and couldn't help but notice that he had a nice ass.

* * *

"We'll be going down to the main level so when you come back up make sure you hit level one."

"Okay." He talks a lot.

The elevator ride is going to be short since they're only going a floor down but he still finds reasons to glance at her. She doesn't know why but it makes her blush. His eyes are impossibly blue. That makes her smile slightly and it's welcome because she hasn't smiled in hours.

"What?" He asked, smirking. She can tell he's nervous or anxious but she doesn't know why.

"Nothing."

When they reached the cafeteria the officer kind of kept his distance but she would occasionally catch him staring at her. It makes her blush, again.

She peruses the cafeteria looking for treats she knows that Olivia likes and maybe even something small for herself. She hasn't eaten anything today except for a bagel six o'clock this morning. And she only ate half.

Kate eventually finds pre-wrapped snickerdoodles over with the desserts and asks the guy behind the counter which ones are the freshest.

"You know I've got some fresh ones baking right now. Give'em five minutes?" He said, flashing his straight white teeth.

That's five more minutes away from her daughter but, "yeah. Thanks."

"How many do you want?"

"How many are you making?"

"24." Twenty four. Funny how three goes into that evenly. "24." While waiting for the cookies Kate made her way over to the Starbucks machine where the officer was standing waiting in line.

"Hi," he greeted without even looking at her. But Kate could see his smile.

"Hello." She smiled too and wondered what the heck was going on. What's with all the smiling and staring and yes even giggling. Silently, to herself.

"You know they say if you have to wait for more than a minute for a cup of coffee then it's free," he said, that nervous smile playing on his lips again.

"Why thank you officer," Kate leaned over to read his badge. "Castle for telling me that."

"No problem..."

"Kate."

"No problem Kate."

* * *

After Kate made her father his coffee and picked up her cookies Officer Castle approached her again. "I'm not on duty for another thirty minutes would you like to sit down," he gestured toward the cafeteria tables to the far left. "Have coffee with me?"

Kate couldn't contain her smile or her disappointment. "I'm sorry," she began, bitting on her lower lip. "I have to get back to my daughter."

"Daughter?" She nodded. "Okay. Well take care Kate."

"Thanks, you too."

* * *

"Look what I got," Kate sang when she walked back into the hospital room.

"What?" Asked Olivia.

"Snickerdoodles."

"Oh yeah great job mom."

And then they all sat there quietly for a few minutes until the guards outside in the hall switched out for new ones. And amongst the new guards was officer Castle. He hasn't seen her sitting in here yet but one of the other officers are pointing out the rooms that the three of them have to guard and he looked up and met her eyes but quickly looked away.

Kate decided not to pay him any mind but he kept looking at her every once in a while. She couldn't help blushing but it was beginning to frustrate her. Especially now that he knows why she's here.

Kate closed her eyes and leaned her head against her fist until Olivia tapped her leg.

"Are you mad?" She asked timidly. Her brown eyes sad and heartbreaking.

"No. No I'm not mad. I'm just tired and I want them to give you a bigger room."

"Do you- are you disappointed in me?"

"Yes," Kate said shifting closer to her daughter. "I'm upset that you felt like you couldn't come to me when something was wrong. Baby girl you've been hurting yourself for a while and I had no idea. Do you know the risks of cutting?"

"You can accidentally hit an artery. And by yourself sweetheart you wouldn't have been able to stop the bleeding," Jim added.

She could could see Olivia's eyes start to pool with salt water.

"You can come to me or your grandfather about absolutely anything. You understand?" Olivia nodded rapidly before crawling into her mothers lap and hugging her tightly. "Promise me you won't hurt yourself anymore," Kate said against Olivia's hair.

"I promise."

"And promise that if you feel like you wanna do it again that you'll get your mom or call me," Jim said.

"I promise Gramps."

"I love you, Liv. We both do."

"I know. I love you guys too."

* * *

Olivia is too young for this and Kate is having a hard time holding herself together. And having a breakdown will do nothing but make things worse for Olivia. "Mom your phone is vibrating. It's Josh."

"Hello," she answered quietly trying not to wake her father. She stepped into the hallway with the guards and purposely didn't look at Castle.

"Hey what happened to you? You said you were gonna come to my boss' dinner. I've been calling and calling."

"Oh Josh I'm sorry." Castle tensed at the mention of Josh's name. Kate acted like she hadn't noticed. "Olivia had an accident at school today."

"Is she okay?"

"Um," she turned towards her daughter. "She will be. But I've been here at the hospital since noon."

"Oh my. I'm sorry I bothered you then. Take as much time as you need. I know Olivia needs you."

"Thankyou. That's sweet."

"Okay. How about I swing by your place, get you some clothes? I imagine you'll be there a while if you have been since noon."

"Thanks. You're the best."

"I love you Kate."

"I-I," she sighed. They're having a lot of problems. "Love...you too." Caste turned toward her then and she just walked back into the room. She has no idea why she suddenly feels guilty towards the wrong man.

* * *

Another forty or so minutes passed and Kate was out her portion of cookies so she stole two of Liv's when she wasn't paying any attention. Her dad was still asleep in the wooden chair next to the bed when Josh texted her saying that he wanted to know the room number.

A minute later Josh appeared outside the door a grey duffel bag in hand and a sad smile. "Hey Kate. Hi Olivia. How you feelin'?"

"Fine." Confusion laced Josh's face but Kate just shrugged and said "get use to it."

Fine, tends to be her response whenever someone asks.

Kate stepped out the room and into the hall with Josh.

"A buddy of mine told me what's going on with her. Can't believe it."

"Who told you? That wasn't their business to tell!"

"Kate it's_ me_ it's not that big a deal."

"The last thing I want is for some doctor to go around talking about my daughter when it's none of their damn business!" She hissed. "Okay okay. I get it. I'll talk to him. Meantime call me okay. I have an idea that may help us."

"For Liv?"

"No for us Katie," he said running his hands down her shoulders. "But she can be included."

"Of course especially with what's going on now."

"Call me on Saturday so we can discuss what's going to happen. Okay? Love you sweetie." He pecked her quickly on the lips before handing her the duffel bag. "I got some stuff for Liv too."

"That's great thanks but she can't have anything right now. They took her stuff."

"Yeah but she can have your stuff. Just not by herself."

"He's right," Castle cut in. "Taking her belongings is just a precaution." Kate smiled weakly and nodded towards him.

"Thanks."

"Alright I should get going."

"Okay. Thanks for this. I owe you one."

"I know you do." She fought not to roll her eyes. He kissed her again, this time with Castle watching. "Love you," he said before turning and walking away.

"You guys make a lovely couple," Castle said with a hint of sadness in his voice. Kate bit on her lip and ducked her head down before muttering a "thanks" and walking back into the room that makes her anxious and want to return to her former ways.


	2. Olivia's POV

I don't even know how to start, never mind what to say. But I guess I can start with telling myself the truth at least since I'm a compulsive liar to everyone else I converse with.

My name is Olivia Beckett and I'm depressed I guess. I wouldn't really diagnose myself as depressed because I'm not. According to the National Library of Medicine depression is defined: a true clinical depression is a mood disorder in which feelings of sadness, loss, anger, or frustration interfere with everyday life for weeks or longer.

Okay so maybe I am...

But it's not as big a deal as everyone's making it out to be. I swear.

Yeah, so I hurt myself. So what? Why is it such a big deal, people hurt themselves all the time and they aren't sent to the hospital. And it's not as if I'm hurting other people. Just myself. That's just the way I feel. People who do good things to themselves aren't thrown in hospitals. So why be bias to those that hurt themselves? It's like totally unfair.

I wish I could tell my mom and gramps that I'm fine. I know the risks of cutting and I'm being careful. Olivia is fine. I swear. I'm not hiding anything.

They finally moved us up to my own room somewhere at three in the morning. Diane came back and told us that someone should be available to talk to me (or just mom) about half past nine and told me to get some rest. That I had a big day ahead of me when the sun comes up.

So I guess this means I don't have to go to school in the morning.

That's a plus.

* * *

Mom told gramps to go home somewhere around midnight so it's just me and mom here now. Well, and the cops outside my room.

There's three of them. The tall bald black one, the cute skinny one, and the creeper. He's good looking but he keeps looking in the room more than he should and it's seriously creeping me out. I want him to go away. And he seems to look every time my mother blinks. Fucking perv.

Oh crap! I'm sorry. Next time I curse I give thee permission to slap my face.

* * *

Why do all the doctors here have either dark or black hair?

I asked mom and she just looked at me and shook her head. Now every time we see someone with blond or red hair we punch the other person in the arm and say, "punch blonde no punch back."

"I think I got the wrong child back after you were born. No way my daughter is busy concerning herself with the color of people's hair. She'd be too busy with global warming."

I laughed and stuck my tongue out. Then punched her for having dark hair.

"You have brown hair too."

"And whose fault is that?"

She sighed and sat back against her chair. "Touché young grasshopper."

"You're such a nerd," I say scoffing.

"Says the girl obsessed with Nerdfighter."

"Touché old grasshopper."

* * *

Moms asleep and I'm asleep-ish. The cops outside have switched shifts and the creepers gone. I notice that she allowed herself to drift off _after_ shift change.

Wouldn't it be my luck if she thought the creeper was cute?

* * *

"Liv? Sweetie you gotta wake up," mom says. "Breakfast is here."

"Go away. I'm sleeping."

"You're obviously not sleeping. Come on I went to IHOP for you."

"Did you get the pancakes drowned in strawberry heaven."

"And a side of turkey bacon."

I smile before sitting up in bed to take the take to-go container from mom and try not to notice that creeper guy is back.

"Thank you. My hero."

She put a hand on her heart and said, "my pleasure."

* * *

Before mom came back she got some utensils from the house for us.

Creeper guy took my fork. Replaced with a plastic spoon.

Fu...dging great.

* * *

Mom and I braid each other's hair and watch tv to pass the time. Call me unstereotypical (?) but I don't like watching tv. It seems like such a waste of time when I can be doing other things, more important things. Like reading.

Which I can't even do because they took my book. Like, can you purposefully give yourself a paper cut?

* * *

"Is unstereotypical a word?"

"I don't think so. Maybe if you put a hyphen."

"So things that aren't words can be words as long as you put in a hyphen?" I ask and she looks at me with a serious expression and two fingers holding the side of her head. You know that look.

"Can you give me an example?"

"Like uh...untouch. Or whatsthename. Or Idontknow. Or nonuncommitable."

"You're a strange kid. But I do get your point. Strangely."

"Then this goes on the board as a win. For me of course."

"But you're not right."

"The hyphen was your idea," I say.

"Oh my gosh. Fine you win this one."

I just smile smugly and try not to say "ohmygosh/god/goodness" could be another one.

* * *

For the next hour I like literally die of boredom. I mean my body convulses and everything.

I'm "dead" on the hospital bed when I get the strange idea to talk to creeper guy.

I seriously consider it before coming back to life and decide to talk to mom through a series of eye expressions. I know I look an idiot but it's my mother. She's allowed to judge me. Plus she joins in eventually and we laugh and laugh.

I don't think she notices when I send her an I'm sorry.

* * *

The doctors coming in fifteen minutes to pick my brain and I don't want him/her to because I've been doing a swell job of not thinking about why I'm in here in the first place and she/he will make me talk about why I hurt myself and I'll have to lie to him/her because that's what I do and I know mom will want to know what I tell the doctor and I don't want to hurt her feelings by not telling her because I know I won't tell her and this really really sucks because even if I were to tell her it'd be the lies I told the damn doctor and this is super super unfair.

"Are you nervous?" Mom asks and shake my head no.

"I'm nervous for the doctor."

"Yeah. I don't think she'd be able to get through this without some support."

"We should call her mom."

Mom smiles at me and kisses my forehead before leaving the room and shutting the door and leaving me alone with the doctorwoman. Or doctor-woman.

* * *

"Hello Olivia. I'm Dr. Parish." And then she proceeds to tell me that she's a psychiatrist that's here to talk to me about my "condition" and determine whether I need help that can only be offered by going _upstairs_.

I suddenly get a visual that _upstairs_ has lots and lots of people like me not getting better and being shocked in their head just like in that movie.

Dr. Parish continues to tell me where she went to school and how she graduated early and then I abruptly cut her off not feeling bad about it in the slightest.

"Is your name supposed to be mean or ironic?"

"Excuse me?"

"Parish? As in not enough as in you're not enough to help me? OR perish as in destroy and you're standing up against your very unfortunate last name by being someone who does the opposite."

She doesn't respond right away. Just types something into her computer.

Hmm I wonder if it's about little ole me.

"I'm Parish with an 'a' first off. So therefore I can't be mean. And second who chooses their last name solely to be mean? It just seems inhumane. Thirdly I guess you can say its ironic because though parish means meager or inadequately supplied I'm doing this to be satisfactory for kids like you."

I couldn't help it. I smiled.

"Good. And just so you know I'm rather fond of irony."

"As am I."

* * *

"So why don't you tell me why we're here today?"

"But you already know that."

"I want you to tell me."

"But that wastes so much time."

"It's procedure."

"Okay how about this? We skip the boring part and you ask the questions you need to determine whether I stay here and go _upstairs_ or whether I can go home."

* * *

It takes three hours for her to finish. Three freaking hours! I know she was sick of me. Even though I'm sure she was entertained.

Her last question which I answered directly (bonus points for me) was whether or not I felt secure enough in myself (emphasis on myself) to go home.

I answered yes.

"Stay here while I speak to your mother?"

Is everything a question?

"You got it."

Dr. Parish with an 'a' left the room but kept the door open so the cops could peek in and I pretended I wasn't eavesdropping.

Dr. Parish said, "you have a beautiful and highly intelligent daughter."

"Don't I know it. But don't tell her that she'll go on and on about how her hair makes her un-pretty."

I smile at mom.

"Well I think she's stable enough to go home. But what's putting me on the fence is how she acted with the security guard at her school. Whose to say that as soon as she leaves she won't do it again?"

"I understand," I hear mom say but then some nurse is yelling orders and a guy on a gurney is being rolled by so I missed the rest of what mom says.

"I get that Ms. Beckett. But she has to promise she'll stop hurting herself."

"I promise," I shout out stupidly. Mom and Dr. P_A_rish come back into the room.

"Were you listening?"

"To every word I could hear. I promise no more cutting." She's an idiot if she believes me.

"Okay. You can go home but no school until my say so."

"Today?" Mom asks.

"Yes. You'll need to sign some discharge papers. Also I'll be calling to check up in two weeks. I hope you would've found a psychologist to take her by then."

Must've been something mom mentioned when the nurse was screaming.

"Yeah there's a practice just a few blocks from our apartment."

"Okay then I'll see you both in two weeks," she says as a way of goodbye.

Mom comes further into the room and rests both hands on my shoulders.

Then we both sigh at the same time.


	3. Chapter 3

**I found that I love writing in Olivia's point of view. Its addictive so chapters may contain her back to back instead of back and forth.**

* * *

Every time Olivia fell asleep after her dad left Kate found herself crying silently to herself. She hates that her daughter is hurting herself and there isn't anything, as a parent, that she can do. She understands going through depression as a teenager because Kate had self harm issues as well around Olivia's age. But it never went as far as her needing therapy, or at least that's what her parents told her. Kate wrote a lot of crappy poetry and pricked her finger. Only occasionally did she think about suicide.

She can imagine how often Liv thinks about it then.

Oh, god. She can't lose her little girl. It'll be the death of her.

When the doctor asked her and Jim if there was a history of mental illness in the family she almost cried then too. Almost. She'd rather not show her father that it still affects her.

Olivia's great grandmother was schizophrenic and her mother has chronic depression she still takes pills for.

Sometimes.

Not as much since Olivia turned ten.

But still. Mental illnesses are sometimes genetic and it could be entirely her fault what her daughter is going through.

* * *

Officer Castle gave her his number if she ever needed to talk because he caught her about to break down after Olivia fell asleep waiting for the psychiatric evaluator.

She doesn't plan on calling him but it does make her happy that she has someone outside the family she can talk to.

What's holding her back is this feeling she gets whenever she's alone with him. It's not a bad feeling. Just an uneasiness about how good she feels around him.

Is that weird?

When Kate went to IHOP to get Liv some breakfast, Castle offered to come with her because he wasn't on shift. She let him come along and they ate breakfast together in her car on the way back to the hospital.

He never once mentioned Olivia or what's going on but instead told her about himself and how he lost a bet with his buddy and now he's stuck working security at the hospital for a week.

She didn't say much because every time she looked at him she either got lost in his eyes or stared at his mouth.

It's so weird how attracted she is to this man.

It's the last thing she needs at a time like this.

* * *

Kate and Olivia finally got home somewhere around ten in the morning. Olivia retired to her bedroom but Kate called her publishing company and told them she was taking a vacation.

Next she showered then set down at the kitchen table with her lap top to start setting up appointments for Liv at the psychiatrist office a few blocks away.

Kate knocked on Liv's door an hour later and she was curled up in bed with a book by her favorite author.

"Hey Chicken. Gotta ask you some questions."

"About what?"

"Do you want your therapist to be male or female?" She asked settling down on the bed beside her daughter.

"Oh my god a guy. Please."

"Why?" Kate chuckled at how quickly Liv became interested.

"Because women are too emotional. It'll make me feel worse."

"Okay. Do you have any preferences?"

"Umm," she twisted her hair in her finger. "American-no accents. I don't want him to have a beard either. Glasses-"

"Seriously? You can't ask specifics like this. It's a little much."

"Fine. An American male."

"Thank you."

* * *

Jim came over later that day for dinner. But then that's what started the dominos falling.

Right before dinner Kate went into Liv's room but she was in the tub and as she was walking out something shiny just barely underneath the bed caught her attention.

She bent down to grab it but pricked her finger.

It was a razor.

There's dried, dark, old blood on it and tiny fragments of what she can only guess is skin. Kate then gets on her hands and knees to check under the bed fully. She finds a small brown chest with a lock on it. She takes the box with her downstairs after telling Liv to be downstairs in ten minutes.

When she finally came down Kate noticed she's wearing her pink sweatshirt. The one she's been wearing everyday since this summer. She wants to smack herself for not noticing the obvious signs now.

Never wanting to go swimming.

Never wearing short sleeves and if she did her arm was covered in bracelets.

Never wanting to go school shopping.

Oh, what has gotten into her little girl?

"Hey mom. What's up?"

Kate doesn't say anything, just sits the chest in the counter in front of Liv. And judging by Liv's reaction Kate's assumption to what's in it is correct.

"Open it."

She can tell Olivia wants to say no. But she reaches around her neck to a key kept on a chain and unlocks the chest.

Kate opens it herself and gasps silently at the contents.

A box of personna razors. Two kitchen knives. And a lighter.

* * *

"Olivia!" She said astounded. "Why?"

She doesn't say anything. She just cries.

"Why did you feel like you couldn't come to me?"

"Because you wouldn't understand."

"You don't know that! Babe I love you. Of course I would've been upset but that wouldn't have changed."

"Yes it would."

"No! Why do you think this? I will love you no matter what."

Olivia says nothing, just looks away.

"Liv please talk to me."

Kate swipes her eyes with the back of her hand, sniffing loudly from her runny nose.

"Well you're first session is this Thursday. You'll go twice a week. Dr. Morgan is your doctor."

"Can we afford to go twice a week? That's a lot of copay mom."

"Chicken that's not your concern. Don't worry about financials. That's my job. You just focus on getting better...and telling the truth."

Kate's father walks in then before Kate could finish talking or Olivia could explain to her what's going on.

"Hey you two. What's with the tears?"

"It's nothing dad." Kate quickly wiped her face. "Olivia and I were just talking is all."

"Well what about?"

"I'll tell you later."

"Tell me now that's why I'm here. Katie what's going on?"

Olivia decided to speak up. "Mom found my stash."

"Your stash?" He said coming over to the counter to look inside Olivia's box. "Oh Liv sweetie."

"Gramps. I really don't wanna talk about it."

"I understand. Anything you need me and your mother will get it for you. Are you hungry?"

Kate looked at her father incredulously and scoffed quietly to herself.

"A little."

"Katie, is dinner finished?"

"Yes."

"Well lets all sit down and eat a meal together. And Liv we don't have to talk about the box now. Everything's still so raw after the day you've had."

"Thanks."

"Of course. Anything sweetie."

Kate fought with herself to not tell at her father. She just set dinner on the table and ate quietly until it was time for her father to leave.

* * *

Kate left the apartment sometime around seven in the morning. Because Olivia can't go back to school she's sleeping in so Kate wants to do her business before Liv wakes up. She doesn't trust her being alone with herself, only because she knows somewhat of what her daughter is going through.

She locks the front door takes a deep breath and leaves.

She goes to a cafe in town and orders a coffee. She takes a table outside so when it's time to leave she can just go.

She takes several deep breaths when she sees him walking up.

"Hey Kate. I'm on call but we should be able to eat."

"Actually Josh I actually am not staying. I just wanted to talk to you."

She pushes the coffee across the table towards him.

"About what?"

"Us." When his face fell Kate elaborated. "Look. With everything going on with Liv I need to be there for here in every way I can. So I think we should take a break."

"A break? Again Kate? This is the second "break" we've had since we got together. Why don't you just break up with me? It's obvious you want to."

"No Josh that's not it."

"Then what is it? You haven't been happy. Don't use your daughter as an excuse not to fight for us."

"You're right. I haven't been happy, not in this relationship. And I don't think I ever will be," she whispered.

"Thanks for the coffee, Kate." Josh stands up, kisses her lightly on the cheek and walks away.

She takes one last deep breath before leaving.

* * *

When Kate got home Liv still wasn't awake so she decided to catch up on reading manuscripts while she was home. She made a cup of coffee, grabbed her pen and post it notes and began to read at the dining room table.

She's co-editor of Black Pawn publishing and she handles the manuscripts of wanna-be authors. Each manuscript is read over and evaluated three times before making it to her so she has to decide which one, one gets chosen to publish.

She reads it through once, then reads the writers notes about why it was written, symbolism, etc.

Then she reads it again and adds her opinions.

Her co-editor Gina deals with authors they already published new books they're bringing in.

She's always loved reading but she doesn't do it much for fun anymore.

Olivia comes downstairs when she's halfway through the first novel.

"Morning," she says.

"Afternoon. It's twelve thirty."

"Oops. But it felt GOOOOD!"

"Haha. Come here. I wanna talk to you."

Olivia sat down in the chair next to her mother. Kate noted the damn sweatshirt.

"I want you to know that I'm making some changes."

"Changes?"

Kate takes a deep breath and reminds herself that she's doing this for Olivia's own good.

"Door open from now on."

"What-"

"I want you to keep a journal."

"Fair enough."

"And this is optional."

"Okaay."

"I don't want the long sleeves anymore. I don't want you to feel like you have to hide in your own home."

"I'll be so uncomfortable mom. I've gotten use to it."

"Okay. One step at a time."

Olivia sulked and rested her head in her hands.

"Wanna make strawberry pancakes?" Kate asked biting her lip.

"Yes please. As long as that doesn't change."


End file.
